Navigating 'Anything but Normal' - 10 (mostly) Practical Tips

We have collectively been thrust into unchartered territory without a map, compass or even the vaguest idea of our destination. What we’re experiencing right now is anything but normal!

For many of us the certainty, stability and structure we rely on has been taken away. We find ourselves without work or clarity on where money will come from, or we find ourselves working remotely trying to be teacher, parent and dutiful employee at the same time.

This can bring with it a sense of overwhelm that can make it difficult to move forward, or a range of other emotions, feeling like we should be moving forward quicker! I’ve talked to people who are at a complete standstill unable to make any tiny decision and drowning in the grief and fear. At the same time others have run full steam ahead and don’t seem to be distressed in the slightest (on the outside) as they try to create a sense of control and normality.  

Over the past three weeks I’ve been speaking with colleagues, friends and clients and gathering together the things that have helped them navigate their emotional, physical and financial wellbeing during this unprecedented time. As I went through what they shared, a few common themes emerged which I found super helpful to create a sense of calm and direction at an individual level.

Here you’ll find a collection of 10 (mostly) practical tips for navigating ‘anything but normal’. These are not a script, there are no silver bullets, and some might even seem obvious, but I share them here as useful ideas, reflections and starters for us all:

1. Get emotionally curious – In the evolving uncertainty we’re living through it can feel like we’re in an emotional sh*tstorm. We’re experiencing grief at the same time as gratitude, fear at the same time as joy, and then the dreaded guilt and shame for experiencing the joy! Many of us aren’t used to having so much space to experience these emotions, and in fact live our life in a way that intentionally avoids them. So this can be a tough one…but now is the time to feel what we’re feeling and get curious about our emotions while trying not to judge them. I realise this may seem counter-intuitive, so to be clear this doesn’t mean abandoning yourself in a state of despair under your duvet only to surface after the storm passes. It does mean connecting to how you feel and embracing the chance to learn more about what really matters to you, and what some of your helpful and unhelpful patterns might be in a crisis. According to shame researcher Brene Brown “if you don’t name what you’re feeling, if you don’t own the feelings, and feel them, they will eat you alive”. The fact is that most of us don’t show up as our best-selves, operate effectively or make our best decision when we’re reacting habitually in a state of stress. So rolling up your sleeves and getting curious about how you’re feeling is more important now than ever, and is an important first step.

2. Remove immediate pressure – And by pressure in this one, I mean financial pressure. We’re not at our most resourceful when we’re stressed about money, and the result of that is that we’re therefore not making our best decisions or showing up as we want to. By removing the immediate pressure you can ensure that you’re not making poor long term decisions driven by fear. Doing this can also give you a sense of control in a situation you otherwise feel at the mercy of. For me this involved reducing my regular expenses such as cancelling memberships or deferring payments and seeking financial support. If you feel a sense of shame or loss of pride in needing to do this go back to point #1 and get curious. If you’re unsure where to start, then an accountant is one obvious place, but there’s also a lot of great free info out there such as Money Saving Expert and for sole traders follow @robertahollis on Instagram for some straight-talking information.

3. Take One Step Everyday - Do one thing every day that makes you feel like you’re moving forward. To do this you’re going to need to ignore everything that tells you that you need to be super clear about your goal and destination; that level of certainty simply doesn’t exist for most of us right now. Even when you don’t know what the direction is you can always find your own ‘forward’. The ‘one step’ doesn’t have to be big or obvious. It might be sending a couple of emails to reconnect with old clients and colleagues, getting ahead on your accounts, learning something new or it might be creating a new website and relaunching your business. It doesn’t matter what it is. The important thing is that you don’t force it, but that you do, do it. Taking one step can help you maintain a sense of control and direction, and sometimes it might even inspire you to do more than one thing. If so, go for it!

4. Create Connection – This will most certainly not be the first time you’ve heard this, and it probably won’t be the last. But staying connected to people is important for your here-and-now wellbeing and also for the longer term. By making an effort to stay connected to those important to you, you’ll lower your anxiety, increase your empathy and create a positive feedback loop of social, emotional and physical wellbeing (Stanford Medicine). This might be making the time to facetime your family, having zoom games nights with friends or smiling & saying hello to passing strangers. All of these release the endorphins we get from connection which will help us to manage our wellbeing. Also take the time to connect and check in with the people in your network in order to create a work community and just genuinely find out how they are. Maintaining your network and links to clients can help you stay professionally in touch, improve your client/partner relationships and might even bring surprising opportunities to light that wouldn’t have otherwise come up.

5. Make a plan…and assume it will change - Although you may be in a situation that is not of your choosing, you can always make a choice. Do you want to let change happen to you and be reactive only once you have complete clarity? Or do you want to be a part of defining what the change means and create your own clarity? It’s good to have a plan and some ideas about where you want to go next. It’s not good to fall in love with that plan as it’s likely to break your heart. When I worked in the world of change on complex mergers and acquisitions, we would make a plan based on what we know and adapt it along the way…a lot. It allowed us to move forward in the short term and gave us a structured way of deviating from the plan so that we could keep moving. If you’re not yet sure what your plan should be start with lists (lists are great!). Think about what you do know, or what you anticipate and make a list of what you might do/offer/be great at/create as a result. Let that be the basis of your plan.

6. Avoid Comparanoia - Have you noticed that some days you log onto (enter social media platform here) and you feel super inspired by what you see and read?! You feel a sense of motivation and you get great ideas from a few of your connections. And then on another day you login and similar content leaves you reeling. It’s suddenly clear that everyone else has got this thing in hand and they’re all winning at life! You’ve missed the window to relaunch your business, you’re failing at home-schooling, you don’t have the experience they have to go virtual, etc, etc. It’s hard when we’re stressed to remember that social media is rarely a full picture of ‘real life’. It would be challenging to avoid social media all-together, and if you run your own business arguably unwise. Instead try to determine why you’re looking at social in the first place and be more deliberate about the time you’re spending on it. Develop a strategy beyond publishing your own content and create one for how you engage and interact with other people’s content. And when you start feeling like the rest of the world has ‘this thing’ sorted compared to you, log off and remind yourself that no one has a map or compass, and that everyone is making it up as they go. Who knows what that’s really like for them!

7. Accept the World is Changed – Now is the time to let go of the idea that everything will ‘go back to normal’. In a crisis we’re biologically wired to have certain responses and we’re all familiar with ‘fight’ or ‘flight’. If you’re sitting and waiting for the dust to settle so you can just get on the way you did before, you’re opting for the crisis response of ‘freeze’. Let’s be clear, no matter what happens, it is very unlikely that after this the world will be exactly the same as it was before. People have experienced different ways of working, our economic climate globally is dramatically altered, and we’ve faced a range of philosophical questions as a society that had only been theorised about until now. The world is changed, and we are changed with it. So assume it will be different and plan to face into whatever the new normal will be. A couple of provocations to get you thinking about this are here from Tyler Cowen (A comparison of the new normal) and Political Science professor Aisha Ahmad.

8. Enjoy this and Take a Pause – Yes, I just said to enjoy this! And I said to take a pause. Freezing is not the same as pausing. Pausing is accepting that things are going to change and allowing yourself to step back so that you make better decisions and tend to all aspects of your wellbeing. To take care of you and your future. I overheard a neighbour walking past today saying to his wife that he feels guilty because he’s actually enjoying this slower pace of life. I have to admit that I’ve often felt that way too. Of course I don’t enjoy the reason for the change, the risk to everyone in our society or the fact that I have no income. But I do enjoy the extra time I have at home, the focussed time I now have to connect with the people I care about, the growing sense of community I have with my neighbours and the opportunity to redesign what I do in a considered way. When will I ever get this sort of focussed time again!? So yes, enjoy it. And don’t be surprised if you feel guilty about that sometimes, but if you do refer to Point #1, again (It’s a handy point that one).

9. (Try to) Give back – I say try because this really does depend on your circumstances and the reality is not everyone is in a position to give back. If you can it’s a great way of reducing the feeling of helplessness, creating a sense of connection and generally increasing your happiness. There are obviously volunteering opportunities through your local council, the NHS and the Red cross, however they’ve all received so many offers that it’s been hard for them to coordinate. There’s also the smaller scale stuff that you can do though – check in on a neighbour, offer someone in the shop the thing they can’t find but you have in your cart, give food to a food bank or offer one of your services for free. Acts of kindness increase your levels of happiness and the levels of happiness in those around you. If you can’t give back but need help, ask. Asking for help is giving someone the opportunity to be kind and you may just be pleasantly surprised by the offers.

10. Remember you’re not alone - The fact is that we’re all in this and affected in some way, and when it comes to navigating our way through, we’re all just winging it. I repeat - We’re all just winging it. There’s something incredibly powerful about remembering that this isn’t personal, that the problem is bigger than you and that we can each only do the best we can with what we know. So do your best, be empathetic and compassionate to others and know you are not alone in this. We are going to have to collectively navigate our way of out of this and that can’t be done by one individual.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on these and additional tips that you’ve found helpful over the past weeks and as we navigate anything but normal together.

#uncertainty #wellbeing #adapt #covid19 #coaching #connection #change #virtualworking